It’s 1:15am right now as I write this. Pacific standard time. The date you will be [able] to see when I post this, hopefully it’s the same day — friday April 18th. man how fast time flies. So fast that I know I have to do now so that another [year] doesn’t rush by where I think, what did I do with my life?
hear yourself asking that? A lot? It was often enough for me. So instead of saying I was tired of it, I actually became tired enough of it that I wanted to do something about it.
no more excuses before I “begin” my
joUrny [journey]. I became so fixated on the fact that things had to be done a certain way and it always had up [to] be perfect, that I was always hestitaby [hestitant] to [put] something out there. not sure if it’s because I wasn’t perfect, but maybe more of the cluelessness I felt cause I didn’t know what perfect was. [#whatisperfect]
thats what I have been doing these past years. Finding out what perfect was in a sense. I took years of lessons throughout my life, and it was like in some way, all of the teacher said that what I was looking for, they can’t teach, at [least] the good ones.
It’s not about technique. It’s not about skill. Don’t get me wrong, you have to be competent, at least enough if you take [it] seriously enough. It’s about heart, and spirit, and soul, and sharing it. Technique just helps you share it a bit more interestingly.
That’s what I’ve been doing the past years, and prob most of my life. Finding that spirit. Searching for it. And sometimes I wonder if I surround myself with darkness so I can clearly see the
kight [night]. It [or] at least learn to appreciate it?
Btw, I want this to be as raw as possible. So excuse the typos, I don’t want to slow down these thoughts. Don’t worry, one day I’ll have a team of people who want to help me and one of them will be the one proof reading my blog post and makes corrections on my behalf [=)]. Maybe at the beginning I’ll have to do it myself to make you believe it’s already happening.
What if everything you knew to be true was a lie? Would you want to know? Is ignorance bliss? Maybe it’s not all black and white. Maybe it’s not one of the other. Can’t have one without the other right?
Us Americans (cross out) we all want the good without the bad. But you can’t have one without the other. And when you try, shit gets all fucked up.
So here is my life. I want to give it to you. A little bit every week. By writing, live streaming, a video, a photo, or even by
causing [ceasing?] to give you nothing, I will give you a piece of me.
Ready to count the pieces? Ready to put them together and see what happens? [See] What the final picture is? Do you like puzzles?
It’s never magic. I don’t want to lie to you. At least in the sense of
something [someone] becoming successful or famous. I plan to never “fake the funk”. I want to show you the struggle. It’s a beautiful dirty dark painful thing, the struggle. And it’s okay. It’s okay to struggle.
It’s okay to be nothing. It’s all a part of the process. Different stages of it is all. Maybe I’ll never be famous in the way I thought I would be (although I do believe it will happen, do you?), or maybe I’ll be famous long after I’m dead, like so many great artists. Either way my hope is that I change the world, or at least be a step for someone(s) to stand on to reach it.
The world will only change if we all stop trying to be someone else (cross out) the world will only change when we are able to accept one another for who we Are, learn to see the similarities as much as we see the differences (btw, every once in a while I worry there’s gonna be an earthquake — #whydoiliveinla #whydoiliveinfear — cause I have to
is that true?
Still tuned and find out [)]
[editted by Betsy]